I know many people are probably asking this question. Adoption is something that I have honestly always wanted to do in life, regardless of whether or not I was able to have children of my own. Even prior to getting engaged, Corey and I talked of our future children and about adopting. This is just something that has always been a part of our lives.
When I was 19, I was diagnosed with Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome. It’s this really fun long way of saying that it’s going to be hard to lose weight (super easy to gain it though!), and the odds of me having a child of my own went from awesome to about 15%. Now sure, there are way around this by way of various medications and things like that which have successfully allowed many women to become pregnant. I did end up trying one of these medications and the effects on my body we excruciating to say the least; needless to say, I stopped with that business and we turned back to studying up on the adoption process.
I’m going to break for a moment here and just say that this is going to be difficult for me to write, and I hope I don’t offend people for writing any of this either; everyone has their own opinions and ways of doing things and that’s okay. For us, it’s about praying daily and doing our best to follow God’s plan – understanding that it might not be at all what we were hoping it would be. So that all being said, now you get to have a little insight in to what the process has been like for us thus far.
This past May (2017), Corey and I decided to attend an informational meeting with Lutheran Social Services. This was a very long meeting…we went in excited and came out exhausted. But we were also hopeful. We were hopeful that we would be able to go through the foster-to-adopt program with the State of Wisconsin and things would go rather smoothly for us. Let me try and explain our emotions here for you so that you can understand just how excited we were.
Between the May LSS meeting and our meeting with the State of Wisconsin foster-to-adopt people, we went through a range of emotions that I would have to say probably compare to feeling like someone who had been trying to get pregnant for a long time and finally got a positive test result. We were relieved, excited, elated, hopeful, and just really full of joy. We went so far as to build a crib and order some really cute books for the nursery that we’ve put next to our bedroom upstairs. Every morning we would walk through the nursery to go down stairs and we would just smile with joy and hope at that crib, ready to be parents and not knowing what really lied ahead for us.
At the foster-to-adopt meeting, we spent 2 hours in a room with others that were also looking to do what we were doing (about 10 couples total). At the end of the meeting, we filled out an application to be approved for the program. This was optional and people were told that they could take it home and think about it, but we already knew what we could and could not handle with the potential children that would come in to our home. By the time the meeting was over, our application was done and we had it in an envelope ready to be mailed. We even took a few selfies to commemorate the day before dropping the application off in to the mail. I remember going and getting tacos and my face hurting from smiling so much. We called all of our siblings and grandparents because we couldn’t wait to tell them the news. It was just a really good day.
Here’s the thing about putting your wants before God’s plan…sometimes we’re wrong. A week or so later, we received a letter in the mail about our application – we weren’t accepted. I have to say that I think we were both completely crushed at first. Corey is the more sensible one, and although he was heartbroken, he kept telling me that God obviously had something else planned for us. I can’t say that I was able to bounce back as quickly as he was. Now every morning that we walked past that crib was a reminder that we weren’t good enough to be a part of our state’s program. A little piece of myself would break just looking at that room, and I can’t tell you how many times I cried. I even had a hard time celebrating things with my family because many of my family and friends were pregnant and while I wanted so very much to be nothing but happy and joyful for them, all I could see was what I was still missing in our life.
There’s the dark part, and I’m sorry if it’s too much information, but I really wanted people to know and understand what we’ve been through so far – especially since we’re asking you to be a part of this crazy village of people that it’s going to take to support and care for this child. The good news is that less than two months after this had happened, we had really been praying for a sign, and God gave us one. I was browsing Facebook one evening (probably procrastinating a paper for school) and came across a friend’s Facebook page. She had posted something about their current adoption process, and again I began to feel that hopefulness that I had felt earlier in the year.
I showed Corey, and we agreed to call Lifetime Adoption and just try going through the process. We were totally open and honest with our responses (as we had been previously with the other places), and ended the phone call after we were told a response would happen in a couple of days. I was trying not to get my hopes up. We were praying a lot, and at one point I remember thinking, This is it, God. If we don’t get approved here, I cannot emotionally handle another rejection. We’ll just have to be without children of our own. It was at this point where I knew that we would be okay if we never had children. Yes, there would always be a big piece missing in our lives, but we also know that God always has a plan, and we didn’t want to stray from that, either.
A couple days later, we received word that we were approved for the adoption process by Lifetime Adoption**! So…here we are. 🙂 Lots of money is needed and even more prayers are required for this. I would also like to note that while going through an agency is definitely a good way to adopt, Corey and I are open to working directly with a birth family and just going through the legal process without having to involve an agency. Of course, this would require knowing a mother who wants to give their child up for adoption, and we currently don’t know any. However, this is an option in the future and we’re keeping it open while we continue to fundraise.
Thank you all for bearing with me and for your continued prayers and support. I think I can speak for Corey when I say that God has really always been there for us, and we really trust His plan for us – no matter how hard things have already been and how difficult the future will surely be.
**We moved on from Lifetime Adoption Agency in 2018 and switched over to Catholic Charities of LaCrosse, WI. They moved the process along more quickly for us, and we were so grateful. Since moving to TN, we have started the process of getting everything transferred down to Catholic Charities of TN in August of 2019.